VAGINA: An Apology and Discussion.

One of my favorite blogs is Mabel's House. Liz, the author, is not only a brilliant writer, but also an amazing interior designer, an incredible photographer, and all around positive yellow light on my internet radar. I found her blog after she commented here on a post I had made, and I am so glad she did. There is nothing I like more than discovering talented, strong women, writing on the net.

I owe Liz an apology. She had made a post defending her choice not refer to "VAGINA" on her blog, and to refer to it as something else. It is her blog and her life. If she doesn't want to say it, she should not have to come under internet scrutiny for not using the word "VAGINA". Well, I had an opinion on that, and like the true loud mouth I am, I expressed it..... Not rudely or anything... But really, it was just not my place to do so... I respect this woman and I love her blog; the last thing I would want to do is offend her, even if I disagree with her.

So, Liz from Mabel's House, I apologize if I set a negative tone on your blog, it was not my intention, and sometimes I just need to butt out.

I know that the topic of "VAGINA" has been beaten to death by way of annoying, one-woman shows, who monologue about their reproductive parts. But, there is nothing I like more than grabbing my wiffle ball bat and going to town on horse carcasses, so here we go!

A few of the women who commented positively on Liz's blog, who were not in favor of "VAGINA", claimed that discussing it was not "Lady-Like". "Lady-like" is a term that has always perplexed me.... What exactly does it mean and why should I try to live by its credence?

Growing up, the "LL" term would be thrown about so willy nilly, that the only way I could interpret it was that acting "LL", meant having no fun and acting like someone who I just am not. I was told to stop running, climbing trees, catching snakes, frogs, toads, fishing for craw daddies, not to get my dress dirty, etc..because it wasn't "LL".

Conversely, I remember being told to sit up straight, (good for posture, good for life), to chew slowly and with my mouth closed, (great for digestion...mine and my table neighbors'), not to fart or belch in public, (very important), to say "please", "thank you", "yes mam/sir", "no mam/sir"...etc (INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT, children need to be taught to share the earth and space with other people) All in the interest of the "LL"... Which I understand.

I was also told not to speak or behave vulgarly, which is the crux of the comments on Liz's blog and this post in reference to "VAGINA".

There are many offensive terms that can be used in place of "VAGINA". Cunt, snatch, slit, cooter, coochie, beaver, bearded clam, fuzzy drain, pooter, poontang, hoo hoo, tootie, pussy, the CUNT, the wet spot...........You get my drift....

The medical term for it is "VAGINA"... How is that vulgar and why are we conditioned to believe so? "VAGINA". It's a "VAGINA".... It wears many hats.... It cleanses, it helps to regulate our hormones, IT GIVES BIRTH TO LIFE...... It's pretty much the essence of the WOMAN. So why is it socially more acceptable to refer to "VAGINA" as some cute, little girl name, or as some secret "down there" place of shame? I'm not ashamed of my "VAGINA". I think my "VAGINA" is pretty fucking fantastic, if I do say so myself... So does The Little Honey (tm), in fact, it may be one of his most favorite things about me.

So why are we as women conditioned to feel shame and disgust towards our reproductive capabilities? I have a theory..... Wait for it....... It's coming....It's going to totally blow your mind.....


MEN.


That's right, it is their fault.

As usual, the fucking pigs.

Men live for the "VAGINA". Every act they are biologically programmed to perform are geared towards procuring "VAGINA" and planting their seed. Unfortunately, sometimes they desire too much "VAGINA", and cannot realistically satiate their urges. Sometimes, they are ugly, creepy, stupid, and weird, and no "VAGINA" wants to offer herself without compensation.... This causes many men to become frustrated and angry about their lack of "VAGINA" and they start to resent the one thing that makes them tick..... Bitter root, rotten fruit and the like...

When the thought of "VAGINA" enters their mind, they simultaneously become excited and depressed... They start to call "VAGINA" mean names, like cunt... They start to act out against "VAGINA": They rape.... They beat.... They come up with ways of oppression that are not physically violent.. They oppress by way of trying to keep "VAGINA" "down", in the kitchen, under the glass ceiling.....

Their oppression starts to seep into the psyche of "VAGINA" and starts to eat away at "VAGINA's" self esteem, worth, and heart.. "VAGINA" starts to turn against other "VAGINAS".. "VAGINA" starts to feel shame about everything "VAGINA" is.. So she starts to hide and tries to make herself and essence into something sterile and unoffensive.. She starts to refer to herself as "tootie"; she then sprays herself down with "Meadow Breeze" feminine deodorant, because the smell that God intended for her, is too repulsive.... Too "VAGINA" to deal with.... Let us not upset the delicate balance of the patriarchy......


I know this is nothing that has not been said before.. It is redundant, par for the course, Feminism 101..... But it is so shocking and sad that in this day and age, many women see "VAGINA" as offensive and "un-Lady-Like"... "VAGINA" is the essence of "Lady-Like"... It is 100% L A D Y.... You cannot get more "LADY". It's mind boggling.

A few of the commenters on Liz's blog posted about how "LL" is such a rich tradition in the South and the strength of Southern women, and the importance of their traditions, etc, etc. I can respect that up to a point. I like tradition.... I am Swedish, so I still celebrate Santa Lucia, I like to make the Swedish Rosette Cookies.... My German heritage craves pork and sauer kraut on New Years day. I also love the South... It is friendly, the climate is nice, albeit humid, and I am a sucker for Spanish Moss.

However, another big tradition in the South was slavery. People were so stuck on that tradition, the conflict escalated into a civil war. In fact, it seems like there are many traditions in Southern culture that are focused on oppression and repression, (I've seen Prince of Tides), that maybe it would be a good idea to take the route I have taken with Lutfisk and fascism from my heritage, and ditch them?

I don't think that acting vulgarly, or rudely, or violently is ever appropriate.... But, I also think that inhibiting yourself so much, that it makes you physically uncomfortable to refer to one of your body parts by its rightful name, is heartbreaking. What is even more heartbreaking, is the divide this issue causes among women. I don't think for one second that a woman is stupid, or timid, or anything negative because she aspires to the "LL" and "tootie", not at all... But I am always going to be curious as to her reasoning behind that decision. Conversely, my curiosity will more than likely come off as condescending, which in turn furthers the divide, and empowers the patriarchal standards that continue to oppress and harm women.

I just wish that we could all hold hands by the campfire, dance and sing "CumbayaVAGINA" and eat s'mores without fear of breaking out of our size six pants... I really just wish women could be women and accept themselves, appreciate themselves, and ditch these ridiculous standards that we have been conditioned to accept.


Maybe one day?