Tuesday, August 4, 2009



I have seen the commercials for the many technical schools in my own area, so I do understand that they perpetuate the message that if you decide to enroll with them (for a fourth rate education, honestly), that you will automatically be outfitted in scrubs, or pocket protectors, to take TAKE ON THE WORLD! However, you graduated in APRIL, (three months ago) with a 2.7 (not terribly anemic, but most definitely not a STRONG grade point average by any means), in a field that is saturated with people who had a "good" attendance record, who are all out there with you RIGHT NOW, looking for the allusive "dream job". (How many words/phrases can I possibly put into quotations in one paragraph?... I dig a challenge.)

REALLY? So, this "educational"(using the term loosely due to my inherent snobbery of being employed by a "FOR REAL" university) institution, owes you $70K in damages because three months after graduation you can't secure employment in one of the worst economic climates since the Great Depression?


Who has big balls? YOU have big balls, m'lady.. Not to mention the balls of your legal counsel, Fictionstein and Associates. Sure, they might be real people, but as far as their credibility in the practice of law is concerned? Well, that's entirely debatable.

I am so hip to your struggle, dear lady.
It jive. So much so, that I may sense a tear.

I graduated from an accredited university in 2000 with a double major in marketing and communications, so sure that I would immediately be recognized for my dazzling brilliance that would surely secure myself the lucrative title of "President Over Everything Awesome." In fact, my totally bitchin' internship employer offered me a permanent position before graduation, sealing the deal.

My job consisted of working in one of the top, NATIONAL, ad agencies (my city is home to Procter and Gamble, suckas), playing with kids of all ages while videotaping our shenans. We then studied our findings for input on product design, which entailed watching said videos (pizza and BEER present), and laying out our collective brilliance for the public to admire.

It was so great.

Guess what happened? The economy tanked and within a month into my "permanent" position, I was laid off.

*cue sad Charlie Brown music*

I then found myself in a sea of unemployed/under-employed professionals with not only the same credentials that I possessed, but EVEN BETTER WITH MORE EXPERIENCE. I couldn't blow purple monkeys to get a friggin' job in advertising. It sucked. I was humbled.

I then secured employment, relying on the years I had spent in high school and college within the desolate and depressing world of retail, as a manager. The store rhymed with "crap". It was awful.

I then embarked on a journey through even higher education and more accreditation, hoping to find my way in this cruel, cruel world. Guess what? *puts on way lame, orange-lensed sunglasses* I STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR.

Though, almost ten years later, I'm closer.

My point?

You're education and training doesn't entitle you to diddly squat. You're wasting your money on legal fees and making yourself look like a jackhole.

Sad truth?

You'll probably win!

Then the said "jackhole", will be me.

*cue sad Charlie Brown music*

*******note from the editor: So, after I was done "guffawing" all over this hizzle, I did read that she has NOT hired an attorney. My apologies go out to Fictionstein and Associates, please keep up the honorable work in defending those outraged by the internet.********

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