Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Fun with Colleagues

I love my job. I do. It's right up my alley, near my home and I have a lot autonomy in a huge building.

However, the microwave in the kitchen is always the nast. It's disgusting and nobody ever cleans up after themselves.

Today when I went to heat up my lunch, I almost retched when I opened the microwave door. There were chunks of tomato like stuff caked to the top of the microwave, just waiting to unhinge and take up residence in my soup.

I had had enough, so I cleaned the damn thing which took 32 minutes. After I was finished, I sent the following to my colleagues.

Hello colleagues and friends,

As with many other people in the world, I decided to make a New Years Resolution for 2010. My resolutions were to stop smoking (3 weeks so far), lose weight and save money. As part of my plan to lose weight and save money, I decided that I would make healthy, home cooked meals for my lunch instead of paying $6 for an overrated sandwich from the cafeteria. I would save about $12 per week as well as have total control over the portion size and fat/calorie content of my luncheon meal. I felt that this was a sure way to shed pounds and pay off student loans from the 1990's, so I was elated.

As January 4th rolled around, I excitedly packed my lunch in the morning with a Tupperware container of pumpkin chili I had made to heat up at lunch time. When lunchtime arrived, I excitedly headed to the kitchen to warm up my chili and munch on some seriously delicious lunch. When I popped open the microwave door, much to my chagrin, the inside of the oven was totally disgusting. Foul. Raunchy. Funky.

I decided to ignore the grossness of the device and went ahead and warmed up my lunch. When I finished, I WIPED UP any chili that had popped out of my container during the heating process and headed to enjoy my lunch. I played like nothing was wrong for the rest of the week. Ignorance is bliss, no?

However, the charade was wearing thin as I imagined the chunks of dried food falling from the top of the microwave and into my lunch. My stomach churned as I imagined finding such an unpleasant surprise on my spoon and I could no longer swim in the waters of deNile.

Today I took up the arduous and revolting task of cleaning the microwave. Underneath the rotating plate was an inch of what looked to be coconut flakes or Parmesan cheese. There was an inch thick layer of a tomato sauce like substance crusted to the sides of the machine and I had to use a Brillo pad to get the device as clean as I possibly could. I am currently suffering from over dried hands and itchiness due to winter itch mixed with the harsh chemicals of the Brillo pad. It's a tough existence, however, I think can muster up the strength to manage.

So, the next time your Lean Cuisine explodes, or your mom's secret chili overflows in the microwave; think of me and my dry, chappy hands and the sacrifices I made for YOU and the microwave.


Thanks a bunch,



  1. Expect this to show up on,