Monday, October 18, 2010

Listless Mondays: A List of "No-Nos" to Avoid Before Bed.

Last night, I slept through the entire night. Sounds great, doesn't it? It wasn't. It was weird, uncomfortable, anxiety inducing and not restful due to all of the fucked up dreams I was experiencing. In retrospect, there were a few things I could have done to prevent the mess my subconscious bestowed upon me.

-Don't eat garlic before bed. I know, this should be a given, but the Little Honey is traveling and I was hungry mungry.

-Don't fall asleep with Catch a Predator Dateline NBC on the telly. The last place I need Chris Hansen hanging around, waiting to bust someone, is where Bradley Cooper hangs out in my subconscious as my "dude in waiting" for nighttime, fun-time.

-Kick the cat out of the bedroom. I woke up with a face full of hair, while being swatted in the head, in what appeared to be an epic battle for pillow control.

-Don't watch Sister Wives. Ever. That man is an epic toolbag and even though I know that dreams are not real, I would rather have dreams about Freddy Krueger using my spine as a toothpick, than being married off to that bag of douche and his posse of house fraus. His name is "Cody" for chrissakes...... Another reason to never name a poor, innocent child "CODY". Look what happens when they grow up! Nothing but a shame.

I know this list isn't long, but in my own opinion, it is filled with critical and valuable information to insure a splendid night's sleep.

You're welcome.



  1. Sister wives? There's a show on this? Clearly I need to update my Tivo.

  2. Yep. It's a creepy exercise in TMI.