Monday, June 18, 2007

Testing My Faith.

I am a person of faith. That is about as far as I will go with that piece of information about me. I think faith, spirituality, religion, what ever you ascribe to or call it, is private. To talk about it is in extremely bad taste.

Did I also mention that one of my multiple personalities is a 65 year old, southern woman who is head of her junior league, and never crosses her legs at knees, only at the ankles because she is not some cheap floozy? Did you know that?

My faith is being tested right now. In the midst of all of my financial, professional, (it has been a year, can things please look up for me? I can hardly afford to drive to work, sign the deal dammit!), and emotional drama, I received some really bad news from an old friend I had lost touch with, but found on MySpace. Her former boyfriend, with whom she moved out to the Bay Area with, whom I was good friends with, passed away last week.

It doesn't make any sense.

A young, healthy man, a father and a husband, just up and dying. No accident, no violence, no nothing. Just blown out like a match in a wind tunnel. To say this is not fair is like saying that Hitler was not very nice. It is times like these that anger me and question my faith. Why is it that a beautiful life, one with purpose and peroguative, can be snuffed out? How does this make sense?

How can I believe that everything is part of a plan when something as ludicrous and ridiculous as that, is part of another person's plan? How can I believe in kindness in creation only to have a friend taken so his wife and his children have to spend the rest of their lives without him?

I understand why I have lost so many people I love. It is cause and effect, whether it be drug related, disease related, or even suicide/mentally related..... There was always a sign, you always knew why.

I have not seen this friend of mine in at least 14 years, I can only base this off of what I understand from others, in that he was healthy and happy. Who knows, had this never happened, I may have never ever seen him again in my entire life. But knowing that people who love him are suffering and that, not only I, nor they will ever see him again, really makes me angry.

RIP, Chip... I hope whatever it is that makes this world tick had one hell of an explanation as to why they chose you... But I know you will always be looking and watching over the ones who miss you the most right now.

To his loved ones, please know you are in Cincy's hearts and prayers and our deepest sympathies go out to you.


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