Sunday, May 10, 2009

I've Decided To Go Evil.

After many strenuous and painful months of trying to be pure of heart, chaste, and remembering to always recycle; I have decided enough is enough, and I am going evil. It's just the nature of my being baby.

Thank the stars for the internet, without it I would have been at a complete loss on just HOW I should start being evil... Now I know...... Off to Italy!

Evil Plan (tm)!

Your objective is simple: Soul Accumulation.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Mom never loved me

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first seduce a pope. This will cause the world to sit up and take notice, paralyzed by your arrival. Who is this despoiler of all that is good and nice and true? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in classic black?

Stage Two

Next, you must vaporize the moon (ooh, tides!). This will all be done from a floating fortress, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will weep uncontrollably, as countless hordes of mean english teachers hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must tauntingly wave your great supernatural forces, bringing about an unending cacophony of screams. Your name shall become synonymous with fuzzy bunnies, and no man will ever again dare refuse to be your prom date. Everyone will bow before your dashing good looks, and the world will have no choice but to pray to you for enlightenment.


  1. Is that how it's done??

    I dunno... seems like a lot of trouble for some... trouble. Seducing the pope!? If he looked like Ed Harris (who is one fine looking man still!) maybe. Then there's all the stuff you don't see 'cause of the clothes so... who knows!!

    Also I'd probably "tauntingly wave [my] great supernatural forces" the wrong way. Kinda like in Army of Darkness... Maybe I'd only hit "teasingly" and never quite get tauntingly (there's a fine line differentiation).

  2. Give me enough vodka gimlets and the world is vulnerable to the power of my throbbing loins and irresistible sexual prowess.