Friday, December 5, 2008

I Don't Watch Telelvision


I'm just kidding. I am a big fan of the TV, I just think it is the most fantastic invention ever.

I want to address the people in the world who not only do not watch Television, but who also spend hours on Facebook /Myspace /, pontificating about the evils of television, dropping snide remarks riddled with self importance, usually in Italics, "I do not partake in TV", on friends and family member's pages.

You guys are adorable,

My question is this:

Though I appreciate your concern for my brain cells (hint, it's not the T.V. that's killing them, it's the vodka and the huffing), but are you not utilizing a tool that serves colossal time wasters like message boards, BLOGS, vanity pages, etc? A medium that lead to the rise of Tila Tequila, Paris and PErez Hilton?

Do you think anyone here is going to be impressed with your self-serving sacrifice to not watch TV? Because I am willing to bet that each person who reads that post could care less.

The majority of people on the internet are not able to spell "YOU'RE", okay? Know your audience. This audience lacks the ability to appreciate, let alone be affected by, your lack of TV viewing...... This is not the coffee house and nobody here really cares, Neitzsche.

On a somber note, why don't you like TV? Do you hate fun and happiness, too?

Please spare me the self important, "I find my entertainment in the written word" statements.......*sigh*.... Don't get me wrong, I too, love to read . I have also found that if I read a book and then watch TV, my mind does not explode and can totally handle the change between written words and moving pictures..... Surprising, I know.

I have also found in the past that people who own a TV, yet claim to hate and never watch said TV, are usually big, liars. I dated a guy who used to lament the television.....He would go on and on about how worthless it was and how people who watched it were zombies, and "yaddayaddaconspiracydoublecappucinowithsoy"
It was really obnoxious.

Anyhow, one day I came home early to find him not only watching TV, but he was watching the E! Channel's Talk Soup.

Words of truth.

He tried to act like it was an accident, but I knew. He not only watched TV, he watched the lowest common denominator TV shows and then watched the weekly shows that re-capped those shows! I was SO onto him. It even made me like him more... I was, as the kids say, really starting to "feel" him after that and found a new hope for our union. Alas, I think the shame of being discovered as a closet, trash-TV watcher, was too much for him to live with. After the discovery, he never really looked me in the eye again, and physically connecting was sparse if existent at all.....So, we broke up a few days later.

So, you don't watch television.
Good for you.

Maybe with all of this extra time you have, you can go pick up litter, or cure cancer, or something? I don't know.... Have a ball, be crazy and not watching TV with your bed self.. Just stop yammering about how awesome your non-TV-watching skills are on the INTERNET. Instead of giving the impression that you are an intellectual, you come off more as a conceited prick. It doesn't make you a more valuable member of society and it certainly doesn't win you free pizza or anything, (which I would bet that winning free food has more to do with watching TV, than not watching).

Also, remember your audience. You are trying to impress upon the community of MYSPACE, that television is bad and that pursuing more intellectual activities, is good.

The community of MYSPACE.