Monday, June 21, 2010

Ten Ways To Partay Hartay While High On Life

10. Spin yourself around in circles, as fast as you can, until you fall down. Stuff some pillows down your pants so you not only look fantastic, but you buffer the blow.

09. Greet people and join conversations, speaking only in PigLatin. Everyone loves PigLatin, and you will surely be the life of the party.

08. People are craving more intimacy in their lives. Though most people go about finding this by posting TMI on the internet, you can gain intimacy and long lasting friendships by greeting new people with lots of touching and speaking to them softly, really close to their faces. Bring some tic tacs and let the lifelong seeds of friendship be sewn!

07. No matter what, everyone is always interested in hearing about your Irritable Bowel Syndrome in detail. People are SYMPATHETIC and like LEARNING.

06. Impress new friends by showing them how easy it is for you to drink an entire gallon of vitamin D milk in an hour! If that doesn't work, demonstrate how easy it is for you to whistle "Yankee Doodle" with a mouth full of crackers!

05. Request that the DJ/Band play Miami Sound Machine's classic hit, "Conga". When the music starts, sing along as loudly as you can, while you grab people around their waists to form the Conga line. This will make memories that last a lifetime.

04. Get creative! Sometimes even the best parties can hit a lull in the action. You can save the party and your host's reputation by appealing to the creative side of all the party goers. Every 8 in 10 American kitchens will have a package of kraft singles in their cheese boxes. Grab a pack, peel a slice, hold it to the ceiling and have your friend hold a lighter underneath it. The cheese slice will then affix itself to the ceiling. Repeat until the entire ceiling is covered. Not only will all of the party goers work together to create a masterpiece, you will also add some culinary class to your host's abode. Tasty and beautiful!


02. Legendary rock stars, Ted Nugent and Gene Simmons are famous for their lifestyles of partyin' high on life. To stay sober while rocking and rolling all night and partyin' everyday, they focused on sex. These days, due to STDS and teh AIDS! it is safer to stay away from "going all the way" at parties, so I recommend sexually suggestive mad libs for a good, steamy time.

01. Remember, shit DOES NOT happen when you party naked while high on life. Sobriety means it is consensual.



  1. I think the Mad Libs suggestion is my favorite.

  2. Hey, you're funny. Have you been this funny all along? How did I miss that?

  3. Wait--I think that came out wrong. I meant, "How did I miss that she has a blog and it's funny?" Not how did I miss that you personally were funny, because I've seen you around so I already knew that.

    Actually, I'm not sure this is coming out right even now, but whatever.

  4. I have my moments;)

    Thanks for reading!