Last night, I gathered a couple of candles, a hand-me-down-but-very-dear altar of Mary, and my best attitude and embarked on meditating.
***sidebar: Someone mentioned a new movie out where Julia Roberts starts doing this shit, too. I need to state that I have never, will never, never never never NEVER, be inspired by Julia Roberts. EVER. This experiment is the result of beers with my friend who swears by this. I trust him, so I am trying.
Back on topic.
I lit my candles, turned off the lights and began to concentrate on my breath. I almost said "breasts", which I guess I could trance out thinking about those as well. As I sat there, I actually started to feel anxious, like I was wasting time and could be doing something more productive, like watching South Park. As the anxiety started to infiltrate my Zen, I started thinking about my "lists", my mental compartmentalization of all the shit I need to do: Design Ads, Save the Dates, Call a million people, Follow ups, Birthday Cakes, weddings, JAKE, Gus the cat who began to sing and make biscuits on my back while I was trying to meditate..... RACING BRAIN.
So, I stopped, regrouped and tried again... This time chanting "I am so fucking awesome" over and over again.... Okay, so I wasn't chanting that, but I'm not telling the internet what I chanted. Somethings are just fucking personal. I also found my fundamental frequency and "OHM'd" my ass off.
Wouldn't you know it? Twenty five minutes passed that I was totally not cognizant of. I don't know if I experienced anything "transcendental" and I certainly didn't morph into a Tibetan Monk, but I did feel very relaxed and light. I know that twenty five minutes is not a lot of time, but for this ADD fidgeter, it was pretty substantial.
I felt liberated and fucking spiritual, yo! I felt like I could walk in the Dharma Center and be down with program and find a new circle of friends! I sat there and contemplated my spiritual awakening and celebrated with a cup of blueberry tea, which is fucking delicious, and then embarked on going to sleep.
Wouldn't you know it, I could not sleep for shit last night. I tossed. I turned. The dog paced. The cat was too close to my face. It was hot upstairs. Chris got into bed late and woke me up. The dog KEPT PACING. PACING. PACING. PANTING. PANTING. PACING. I finally went downstairs and made him lay on the vent to feel the AC and popped half a Xanax to knock my shit out, which kind of worked, until 4:30 when Chris decided he couldn't sleep and it was time to wake up and make coffee. LOUDLY.
However, I blame the solar tsunami and the oppressive heat for my insomnia.... AND JAKE. I still love him, though.
I will be meditating again today.
Next on the list: Read a self help book.